As I sit here I am thinking about the past few days.

The past few days have been really hard, and it is because I've been trying really hard. Trying really hard to fix each moment, to make it perfect, to be as present as possible. Using as much thought as possible to analyze what constitutes presence in order to simulate it.

There has been no rest. And that is precisely the problem. The words, thoughts, actions, and conscious effort to be present are all pushing me somewhere else – to the idea of presence, to a concept. No matter how much I try, the clinging and forceful effort doesn't take me where I want to go, which makes me try even harder, which makes me feel worse, which makes me exhausted. Presence is rest. Rest is letting go. When you let go, everything can be accepted as it is.

More rambling.


Mind Straw #9: July Twenty 2023