The Situation

I'm trying to fix my life right now. It feels like every few weeks this happens. I'll have a solid plan for how I'm going to live: a good routine and some goals – I'll feel purposeful and excited about this plan. The first few days things will go decently. I'll follow the plan generally, although it'll soon become clear that maybe my plan was a bit too ambitious. I'll neglect one or two aspects of the plan, and come up with excuses for them so I don't feel too bad about it. Soon enough, though, the entire plan has been neglected and I'm a mess.

I'm currently in a mess. I'm trying to now get myself out of this mess, give myself some momentum, and come up with a better plan. Maybe this is just how life is? Maybe it's about sticking to a plan until you can't anymore, beating yourself up about failing, and then emerging from your ashes to build yourself up again. I do think I've become better at sticking with my plans over the years – like I do generally have a good morning routine.

Anyway, this past weekend I became a mess. Some family came over and for some reason, it made me throw away my morning routine and become a slob. I was completely lazy and undisciplined and it made me feel terrible. Today, I've begun digging myself out of this hole, so I'm going to make a plan that hopefully I can stick to longterm. I especially need to focus on a night routine, since I usually end up sleeping too late watching Succession, which is bad since I need to wake up early for my job.

The Plan

My morning routine is as follows:

  1. Wake up around 6.
  2. Rest for a bit, don't use your phone. Just sit in stillness.
  3. Get up - 54321.
  4. Write in your dream journal. Write "nothing to report" if you had no dreams."
  5. Drink some water, take a multivitamin.
  6. Go outside – stretch and run.
  7. Eat breakfast – like a banana.
  8. Do a cold shower.
  9. Make your bed.
  10. Dance, dynamic movements.
  11. Meditate.
  12. Come up with your plan for the day.
  13. Flashcards.
  14. Telugu - watch a short clip from a telugu movie.
  15. Exposure therapy - talk to at least 1 random person a day.

Night routine - no electronics after 9:

  1. Dinner - eat with family.
  2. Dishes.
  3. Guitar.
  4. Meditate.
  5. Bathroom routine.
  6. Talk to people on the phone - Akka, friends, family from India.
  7. Read or podcast.
  8. Try to sleep by 930.

The Way

Remember what Siddhartha says: "I can think, I can wait, I can fast."

So – slow down. Relax into here. Sit with yourself. Listen to what your body and mind is telling you. You don't have to escape from here, you are always here. You don't have to control this or comprehend it, just be here. Be with it.

Live with commitment and intention. Listen to yourself and commit to what feels right. Seek higher things. The only way out is through. Whatever it takes. Take on responsibilities. 30 minute timers for doing no-distraction work – then short breaks.

Be human. Make mistakes. Be ugly. Be all of it. No boundaries. Don't take yourself so seriously. You are all of it. Meet yourself where you're at. Listen, get out of your own way. Speak honestly, be real with you think and feel. You are not a concept, let go.


Everyday I will write down what I did and approximately at what times I did them at. That way, I can modify my plan as I go, instead of just giving up after days of neglecting my routine.

Being Pavan

Mind Straw #6: July Seventeen 2023